on laboring

courtney asked about my labor and so i will say labor is the most indescribable thing i have ever experienced. i went into early labor shortly after my blog post last thursday and he was born about 24 hours later. i was in early labor until about nine at which point i began to not be able to talk through contractions and starting to get that other world feeling that's sort of like a trance - very foggy. we left for the hospital about one am and checked into our room and answered a bunch of dumb questions and that's pretty much all i remember until dr. michel told me i was ready to push (19 hours after i'd gone into active labor in the first place). i pushed for 2 hours and it was clear from the shape of my stomach and his dropping heart rate that he was stuck and so was rushed in for a c-section where they found his hand placed just so next to his head and the cord around his neck twice. what started out as exactly what we wanted ended up as far from what we wanted and then right back to exactly what we wanted because he is perfectly healthy and lovely. i have the most wonderful doctor who i know did everything possible to help me have the birth we wanted and that we really tried every thing under the sun to get him down and out safely before taking him. here she is maybe 30 minutes after he was born.

besides ben there was one person i could not have done this without and that's our doula. she deserves the patience award for sticking it out with me for so long. it's hard to help someone labor when they've sort of gone catatonic on you! i did not speak for close to 10 hours ben says. but she heard me on so many levels and was able to anticipate what i needed and assured us at every step that everything was ok, and that judah was going to be ok, and that yes, labor does in fact end. i mean look at this face... does that look like the face of someone who is going to let anyone mess with you? lanice's help has been invaluable to us, i don't think i would feel the contentment i have if she had not been a part of our total experience from preparation to actual labor and as a post partum doula teaching a hormonally engorged woman how to breastfeed... she has her own room in my heart whether she likes it or not.
also that woman in the background was my labor nurse and she was so amazing as well. she really "got" us and her quiet and confident energy was really helpful to me during the pushing stage, especially as it got dicey with his little heartbeat. she also scrubbed in the surgery and took some really amazing pictures of him being born but internet, you cannot see them because i have SOME boundries and showing you my guts crosses the line.
so, yes, the surgery complicates our life a little. i can't pick up the girls for a few weeks still. but i know that everything happens for a reason and maybe this happened so that i would be forced to hide in the bedroom with our sweet new baby and memorize every detail before it changes the next day and watch his eyelashes grow.